..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
