worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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