I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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