Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
