omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
