i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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