2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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