life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
