alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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