I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
