just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
