My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
