Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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