We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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