I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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