I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
