The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
