After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
