There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
as a side note pls kill me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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