I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
