Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
