Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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