so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
