I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
