Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i came on her dog
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
