I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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