Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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