It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
