my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
