the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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