You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
