I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
