I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
