Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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