Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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