I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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