it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
