i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
