i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
