remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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