I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
