I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
