My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
