we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
