You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
