YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
