I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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