i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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