Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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