I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
