I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
