What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize