yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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