he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
