He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
