they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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