it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
