The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize