If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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