if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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