i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
did i just pee glitter
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