I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
