they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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